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Ah, where to begin? My husband and I have always had problems, whether it's his temper, how we deal with our children, etc. We got married at 18 and he has been lying to me from the start. He cheated on me while we were dating and didn't tell me until the night before our wedding, it was way in the beginning of our relationship and I convinced myself that we weren't that serious back then and that he was being honest therefore that had to mean something. I quickly realized that it would become a pattern of behavior. He carried a picture of a HS "friend" in his wallet and told me that was all she was, then saw her seven days after we were married and told me that he was confused and that he loved her, he went places I asked him not to go and lied, he talked to ex girlfriends behind my back, he downloaded porn constantly and lied about it even though I told him that he just had to tell me that he needed it and we could work something out. No matter how much I try to convince him that he doesn't have to lie, he still does even if it's about something as dumb as using a coffee scoop. So the latest big lie came while he was away on business. I asked him not to go to Hooters because his friends try to pick up the girls and I obviously couldn't trust that he wouldn't follow suit. He called me every night and swore he hadn't been there even though I did tell him that if he was honest I would understand. Come to find out that not only was he going there every day from open until close but that he was going dancing with one of the girls and she had been up to his room. I confronted him and he fessed up even saying he pretended to be her boyfriend because some guys were hitting on her. He said that she only came up for a second to get a soda and that she wasn't cute at all and reminded him of her sister. That's when I found her on myspace and unless his sister grew a pair of DD's and dyed her hair platinum blonde it looks nothing like her sister. I also found that they exchanged numbers and emails along with another waitress there. I showed him the picture and he said that he had told me one he had been talking about one of the other girls, (who I didn’t even know was with them so why would he tell me about her?) I knew he cheated on me and I did something stupid, I cheated on him. Two wrongs don't make a right but it made me feel like I got some power back after all these years of being lied to, only I couldn't keep it a secret. It's not who I am so I fessed up and he forgave me (either out of guilt from lying for so long or out of guilt for something he did because he let it go very easily), and still swears he hasn't cheated on me since we have been married even though I have found some emails that were suspicious and found him browsing the adult section of craigslist, to which he said that he didn’t realize what it was.
That was the back story, point is while he was away he got a new computer and became tech savvy, well at least for him. I used to be able to check his history and temp files but he has learned to delete them so today I spent money that we don't have to install a spy program. I am being so paranoid but it's been a month and I haven't caught him in a major lie, usually it happens about once a week. I feel like the longer it takes for me to find out what it is the more of a chance that it's something big. He has never not lied and while I want to trust that he’s changed like he promised, I just don't feel like I can. I know he has to be doing something because that's what he does. I don't want to leave him because we have three beautiful children together and because I think we have the potential to make things work but I can't stop thinking that he is keeping things from me. It’s driving me crazy. I keep reinforcing that he can tell me anything as long as he is honest and that we can get past it but he just keeps saying that there is nothing to tell. Any advice from people who have been through this would be great!
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