i feel nothing. ive had depression for around four years now.
i cant remember happy. i cant remember not feeling stuck. i cant remember feeling comfortable, feeling safe, feeling in control.

i dont know how im feeling now. i dont feel hate. i dont feel compassion. i dont feel love.

i just feel empty.
defeated.
tired of all this.
my boyfriend - my rock - i care so much about him. but im scared to doubt how i feel about him in case it turns out that i dont even like him.

i purged again today. we were having a family meal at this resturant for lunch. once id started walking towards the bathroom i couldnt stop till i found myself sitting on the floor crying once again.
i cant control anything any more.
my heads swirling.