My abuser, my brother is in bad shape and they don't think he will make it. Besides hating life right now I hate myself for thinking i want my brother dead. I know his dying wont change the past. Hehas 3 little girls that need him I and not seen or spoke to him in over 10 years. Seeing him is triggering a lot of what happened. I want to forgive him but cant. I dont even know what else to say at this point i just cant deal.