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I always thought my problems with anxiety started when I was 10 or 11, which was when my mom first tried to get me help. Looking back I realized that it started way earlier. I was raped for about a year when I was four by a neighbor almost every day and after I moved with my mother to NYC and started acting around 6 I started feeling incredibly guilty. I would sit down and talk with her every day for hours on end about every little detail and if I remembered something that I forgot to tell her I would start at the beginning. This happened everyday for over 2 years, it got to the point where she set aside a 2 hour window in her day just for me to talk to her. Then after moving past the rape, everything I did that I thought would disappoint her or my father I would have to tell them. It sounds like a good thing but not very normal, this went on until my father passed away when I was 16. It wasn't until recently that I learned extreme guilt is a sign of anxiety problems. The funny thing is the abuse doesn't seem to bother me emotionally. I can talk about almost anything, my mother having cancer, finding my father dead, the sexual abuse, and it doesn't really stir any emotion anymore but is it possible that the sexual abuse was a trigger or even the cause for my anxiety problems that I still have today?
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