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Originally Posted by chaotic13
But the child and adolescent in me....TOTALLY freaks out hearing these words and getting this type of attention.
Sex is kind of always been a physical thing, when I am not benefiting from it or feeling comfortable the abuse memories and feelings of being used start creeping in.
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Hi Chaotic! Good work communicating with your husband and getting the changes that you needed (the improvements so far)!
So your husband is triggering you. Have you talked to your T about this? It would be hard to get close to him if he is triggering you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by chaotic13
I've always been a bit distant but H is struggling with some life changes and is needing a bit more from me. However, I am not feeling much love and connection towards him at the moment; H really needs the physical connection and I want to be able to provide what he needs. Unfortunately when I do I feel like crap.
Where things get really bad for me is with the more intimate contact. Since I'm not really physically drawn to him, when he touches me I am uncomfortable, I get hypersensative, its not pleasurable, and my skin starts to crawl. I feel like I am just placating him, and the your just a dirty, little, ***** loop from my past starts to play in my head. To cope with the mental noise the crawling skin and anxiousness, I dissconnect/numb. Afterwards I feel disgusting/filty and frustrated because I just allowed myself to be used yet again.
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So are you meeting your husband's needs over your needs then? This would affect anyone negatively.
Being sexual when you want to run is also not good for you. Can you tell your husband that you are trying to get in touch with your feelings and figure all this stuff out but right now you need a little space? There is an exercise that couples can do to reconnect physically. You do body touching, massage, etc. but none of it can be sexual.