Wow, AnaHannah...you are really putting my problems into perspective!! Not only are you getting it from two sides, you are getting hammered a lot harder than me. I'm sorry you have to go through this.

It just goes to show, people can have as much impact when they are older as when they are younger...for good or for evil!! Amazing that your dad is 87 and still hurting you this way.

About taking money, I agree, that can be a bad idea...I have taken outright gifts from my dad before, and even then it seems like proof (in HIS mind) that I can't make it on my own. It turns me into a partial dependent (again, in HIS mind).

Even with me out of work, I will not actually ask for anything unless I think me and my family would be out on the street! But he is too freaked out over the whole thing, he is insisting on giving me some money anyway. And it seems like I should be thinking "Wow, that is really nice of him." But I know him too well after all these years, I know that he will use it to disparage my competence, even if it is only by making snarky comments. I have been really careful not to give him a toehold where he could have any direct influence on my affairs. But his attitude still hurts.

I know what you mean about the attitude towards women, my dad does not seem to think my wife can handle anything (or SHOULD handle anything). So common in their generation, unfortunately.

My parents do not know about my mental issues...if I am ever hospitalized then I guess the ***** would hit the fan, but we will deal with that then. For now I don't need to give my dad more "ammunition" for attacking my abilities.

Good luck to you, hope you can find someplace to stay and get rid of the toxic BF as soon as possible.......