Sounds like he's given you lots of reasons not to trust him. And he hasn't done much to make amends, to work on helping you regain trust in him.

It also sounds like you have fallen completely into the pattern of trying to control him, which is sort of understandable given your past experience with him. But trying to control the uncontrolable - another person - is a losing battle and a sure fire way to make yourself feel bad and like YOU are crazy.

Take the focus off him and what he is doing and put it back on yourself and your priorities, your children and whatever else is important in your life.

You need to decide if you are willing to continue to put up with his immature and disrespectful behavior to stay married to him, "for your children" as you say. Or if you and your children would be better off in a more stable and peaceful environment. You need to think about what kind of example you are setting for your children. They learn by your actions, not your words. And kids don't miss much. So you need to be a very good actress to pull off acting like you are in a happy, loving relationship with their father for them to believe it for the rest of their lives.

You may think you AND your husband have the potential to make things work, but if he does not have the will, desire or ability to do so, it won't happen. The ball seems to be in your court as to what is going to happen in your marriage relationship. Only you can decide what you are willing to live with, or what you must change to be happy, so you can give your kids the time, attention and role model you feel they deserve.

Also, unless you are genuinely happy and self confident, you don't have much to offer your children - you'll be too distracted by your own personal pain, depression, obession, distraction, what ever is causing drama and chaos in your life, to give them the real time and attention they need. That's been my experience.