No, my therapist has never told me this. He has said before to try to be strong and get through things and then when it is over, we can do therapy and work on all this. He is really big on being genuine and authentic, so I don't think he would ever ask me to fake it.

There was a period in my life when I had a hard time feeling. It was a few years ago. I remember looking at people as they talked to me, as if from afar, and understanding that what they said should provoke some kind of response in me, and I think I knew what it was, and I would try to say what I felt the situation called for, even though I didn't care and didn't feel it. I tried to be an actor and say the right words. But sometimes I didn't even know how I was supposed to react. I just watched myself from afar, attempt to say the words that I thought I maybe I supposed to say. At other times during this period, I would cry, and I had no idea why.

Now I am better, and because of therapy, I don't think I could even fake things if I tried. It feels like a physical impossibility to me now. (Sometimes I'm not sure if this is progress or not!) I think the pretense can be a big stressor in a marriage. I guess I do not agree with the philosophy of just faking it. I think those fake "I love yous" to your H each morning are taking their toll. Ditto having sex when you do not want it. What would happen in the relationship if you were honest, and didn't say I love you if you didn't feel it and didn't have sex if you didn't want to? I think the falsehood in a relationship can really eat at you. A very painful thing to me in my marriage was how my H would give me flowers for Valentines' Day. You give flowers to someone you love or someone with whom you are lovers, but not to a person you treat like crap, don't love, and won't have sex with. The falseness really got to me and I would cry whenever I saw those flowers. I urge you to not cover things up with fakery. It does not help!

(((((chaotic)))))