Quote:
Originally Posted by Pomegranate
Next week is my daughter's birthday. She will be 28. I have not seen or talked to her in over 5 years now. I still am not sure why she chose to break off any contact with me, and I have tried to ask her. I have tried to contact her and communicate with her. But no response from her. So eventually I just left her alone, that seems to be what she wants. I'm not even sure where she is living right now. I know very little about her or her life. It hurts really bad.
When she first stopped talking to me I thought, naturally, that she was angry about something and eventually things would work themselves out. But that has not happened. About a year ago it began to really sink in that I might never see or hear from my daughter again. I have been in a lot of pain since then, especially around the holidays, her birthday and Mother's Day.
I have a very deep desire to at least see her one more time to hug her and say good bye. It hurts soooooooo much.
|
Dear Pom:
I, too, lost my daughter in '02 when she tried to kill me. No lie. I still have injured discs in my neck from her trying to choke me and pounding my head against the floor. She was angry at me for moving my mother out of her house after my mother had been sent tohte hospital 6 times in six months for malnutrition and dehrydration.
My anger held me firm for five years -- then the pain set in, it got so bad I thought I would die. I so wanted another chance with her. I felt like it was all my fault. I am adopted and she is my only blood relation. I am disabled and in chronic pain so I am a shut-in and very lonely.
She contacted me a year and a half ago telling me she'd gotten married, was in therapy, and on meds. It took me 1.5 years to realize that all of these statements were lies. In the meantime, she lied to me, stole my meidcationas and my my money (Bigtime), lied to her therapist, cheated on her live-in guy and told me about it, threatened me physically and told lies about me in front on me to total strangers.
Yet I held on. Finally, I cut off her cell phone, which I'd been paying for when she ran up a huge bill, on my partners tab, downloading games, etc. We wrote her a very nice letter, sending the printout, highlighting the game downloads. She called me and left me a curse filled message telling me she never wanted any contact with me again and that I "Knew what I'd done". You see, in her delusional mind, the murder sttempt had been perpetrated by me, she'd taken great care of mother, never set fire to my car or mom's house. I kept trying to get her better mental help (had her in therapy since age 4) and tried to help her get SSI. But she would rather steal, lie and do drugs. I am still trying to accept that it is not my choice (she is 30) and that it is not all my fault. (Her dad was schizo phrenic and killed himself).
Still, when my dig died last week - who did I want to call? My daughter! It does hurt sooooooooo much.
I get you and I feel for you.
Lynn