Sky,

You are one of the most supportive people in this community. Sometimes it only takes an acknowledgement from another soul to make a person's day. You always seem to be there for others!! Thank you so much.

Today was okay. I was mostly stable throughout it. I've been able to calm down my MAD Visa usage.....I'll just have to have the strength to return all the goodies I ordered! Darn!

I consider our upcoming move to represent a major failure on my part. I did not accomplish what I set out to do....although I made a good run at it......but I flopped once again in my attempt at life. *big sigh* And it was my last chance, and I knew that when I went into it. Age and money makes it over for me in terms of a career. But, since I had my breakdown a year ago, I can't even interact with people now so....even a volunteer position is out of the question. So...I stay on Welfare....I stay dependent on others......I can't even afford to buy myself a new blouse if I want one!!! I haven't bought a new blouse in YEARS already. If we are low on food, I have to ask my parents (who are in their 70's) to help out their middle-aged daughter!!!!! SUCH A FAILURE!!!!!! And now there is no end to it. After Welfare, I guess I go on Disability.....yeah, right. Like the gov't will agree that I'm disabled.....I come across as perfectly normal...but acting "normal" is exhausting and takes its toll on me......

Okay, I've been rambling. Sorry again. I can't get my head around so many different things that I haven't even mentioned here. The anniversary of my suicide attempt is less than a month away now.....and I can't help but think about that. I just feel like screaming.....I don't know what voices to listen to....I don't know which ones are the good ones.....I think I'm listening and following the good voices, but then it turns out that I must have made a mistake....because everything has fallen apart.....and I thought I was following the right ones....but I guess it was just me....and I'm so sorry about that.

Thanks for listening. ((((Big hugs))))

Sandy