Quote:
Originally Posted by chaotic13
IDK... I think I am talking to my T about things, its just not helping. I feel like I mention things... she listens, sometimes says she can see how that would bother me... but it doesn't help. I feel like all I do is mention that things bother me but I never know what to do to fix it.
As for touching without the expectation of him having a happy ending.... not likely at the moment.
|
So the problem solving aspect is missing.
You never know what your husband is willing to do until you talk to him about it. When I was dealing with my anxiety I needed to do this exercise with my husband. My husband was very willing to do it and it helped.
Quote:
Originally Posted by chaotic13
What happens to me does seem to be a traumatic reaction: Hyperarousal (hypervigilance), constriction, dissociation, helplesses.
I also have a major fear of negative emotions so try to avoid stuff that might trigger them.
|
In this trauma reaction does the triggering go in between the hypervigilance and the constriction? I would think that what would help is awareness and trying to stop the cascade. Stopping the hyperarousal through awareness by always checking in with yourself (check in - "I am on edge". "I do not need to be on edge here". "I am an adult who can protect herself". "I am not that helpless child anymore".
Contriction - "I am starting to constrict". "I need to calm myself to stop this reaction". "I am not in danger". "I can allow myself my feelings". "It will be okay". "I can handle this".
If you dissociate remove yourself from the situation to collect yourself? Tell yourself that it is okay. Focus on the details in your environment (colors, textures).
Helplessness - tell yourself that you are not helpless. Remind yourself of all the things you do that are successful.
Why do you fear negative emotions?
Quote:
Originally Posted by chaotic13
I said that I tried to get in touch with how I was feeling during the exchange and only found emptyness inside.
But it seems like there is just too much mental and physical crap going on to reconnect. I need to uncouple these responses somehow. But I don't know how, there is too many of them and the connections are so complex.
|
When you find emptiness inside this is where you should work from. You have to work from where you are at, not where you wish you were. If you do this you will be amazed how you can move forward.
I think you and your husband need to slow down and get way back to the basics and be really honest with each other. If you start at step one and work slowly at each step you will be much more able to work through this.
Quote:
Originally Posted by sunrise
I remember looking at people as they talked to me, as if from afar, and understanding that what they said should provoke some kind of response in me, and I think I knew what it was, and I would try to say what I felt the situation called for, even though I didn't care and didn't feel it. I tried to be an actor and say the right words. But sometimes I didn't even know how I was supposed to react. I just watched myself from afar, attempt to say the words that I thought I maybe I supposed to say. At other times during this period, I would cry, and I had no idea why.
|
Watching from afar sounds like not being fully integrated. I remember when I wasn't fully integrated too. Increasing self awareness, pulling out the unresolved feelings, acting on your needs, speaking your truth, etc. will help you to integrate Chaotic (Sunrise, it sounds like you have integrated!)