Hi Tmac,

Sometimes we are not where we would like to be when our abuser dies.

I think Pomagrante expresses what I feel now about my father . That came long after he died . Its to be worked toward . Forgiveness and remembering that there were good times. It will come . And its easier to do when they are gone.

When My father died from complications of ten years with partail paralisis from a stroke , I was in the begginings of facing the beatings and the sexual trauma that my mother or brother did not know about. If they did they kept it from me.

I had repressed it. When I saw my father laying there I felt nothing for him . I at last could tell him while I was alone in the veiwing parlor room with him . because he could no longer physically or mentally hurt me . It was scary it was being alone with him even though he was dead he had that much power over me.

so torn between the man I loved . I loved my father I did . I needed him to love me too . so much so I had to hide from myself the truth that his love was so dyfunctional so sick .

I don't think he had what I woud call the love of a father for a daughter .

I always feared him . And after his death that fear still grabbed hold because I feared meeting him again in heaven . what would I do what would I say?

there is nothing I need to say . its his turn to do all the talking all the amend making . all of it I already took care of mine I made my amends to him three years befor he died .

I have also made amends to my brother. and like my father not a peep from him amend wise .
I have already shored myself for what I know my brother will do when he dies.

he will leave the house he owns thats partially mine to someone else just to hurt me one more time .
I hope I die befor he does I really do .

in fact Its probbaly better I not even know hes gone .

Good luck with the funeral . And I'm sorry your brother didn't try to make his amends to you befor he past.

Patricia