My moods have alternated back and forth over the past week. Concentrating on work has been difficult, to say the least, and one day while I have a sliver of hope it's not over, a day like today, I'm pretty much convinced it is.

On Thursday night, we had a very long face-to-face discussion where we shared each other's answers to the book, "Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay" by Mira Kirshenbaum. Instead of bringing clarity to our situation (at this point, I was still believing she didn't know what she was going to do), it seemed to just muddy the waters.

This morning I call her and find out she saw the new guy again last night, and that sort of just did it for me. That, and hearing how she felt when I suggested it might not be a bad idea to continue going out on dates with me too. Uh-huh. Basically, no.

So now I'm stuck between a great sadness and depression to anger and a feeling of betrayal.

The sadness and depression have been there most every day, some days worse than other days. My friends, all long distance, have been a great help. What has hurt me the most is that she was my only local friend where I live, so I have no one really to hang out with on these very long weekends.

The anger and betrayal are mostly new. The anger comes from the way she broke up with me, with so little respect for me or the relationship, or the history of nearly 2 years we shared together. She went behind my back and began seeing someone else and is more concerned about that person's feelings than mine.

I don't know what else to say... She has left me feeling like I'm an idiot. I never saw this coming, and I feel like I'm the only person who was in this relationship! She has worked on it from time to time, but she just left the relationship so abruptly and unexpectedly, it doesn't even feel like this is the same person I know and love. I'm left with confusion and hurt.

John