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My boyfriend is, for the most part, great. Says he'll see me through all of this. The problem is trying to convey to him the way I feel (he says that I'm emotionally closed off... I say I have some trust issues). If I try to explain that I am feeling conflicting things, that part of me just wants to crawl in bed and never come out, while I still have a part of me that's saying that I can do anything that I want to... he says everyone feels that way. Its like he can't fathom that I have been feeling this way for a little better than a month. He thinks that its just because I miss him, because I spent the weekend with him. I told him exactly what I told the counselor that did my intakee today... and he just tries to make me into a normal person in all of that. He knows about those "lapses in judgement" I've made in the past where I have done harm to myself, when that seemed like the easier way to deal. He says that I am two different people... one when I'm with him, and one when I'm not... why can't he see that I am the same person, its the mood that makes me seem like two people? He sees that I was on facebook, and says that I can't be feeling that bad, if I can be social with my friends back in Iowa, and if I want to hang on so tightly to the past, why don't i just go back to Iowa. I got on facebook to post him a note, and did some fluff quizzes to kill time until he returned my phone call. Where's the harm in that? Its not like there's much of a point in trying to find a job at this hour. How do I get through to him? How do I make him see the fact that yes, everyone goes through crap, but I can get stuck in it? That right now, I'm going through the emotional wringer from one end of the spectrum to the other, and I can't for the life of me make it stop? That a beer or a smoke won't do for me what it could very well do for someone normal? URGH!
Help? Comments... advice... anything?
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