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Apr 20, 2009, 09:41 PM
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Don't be sorry! Rant as long as you have to if it makes you feel better 
It is unfair that you were born into a hell and now have to suffer through all of the consequences today. And it does hurt a lot to try and move forward. It hurts like hell. But in the end it is worth it. I wouldn't blame you if you didn't believe me...because we are just in two different places, but I say it as a person who would like to think she is your friend and as a person who cares about you and as a person that would miss you if you go away and as a person who has seen other people who are farther along in the healing process that it is definitely worth it. I'm not going to lie: it's slow, and it's painful, but in the end you end up with a lot less hurt then you would have had you not done anything.
I'm sure you probably already know this, but I would like to say that the only reason why children know things like friendship and trust and stuff like that was because they were born in a place where they got the things to learn them. You weren't so you have to learn it later. It's sad that you weren't born into a loving family so you didn't learn those things until now, yes, but it doesn't make you less then anybody else. Heck, I have a lot of issues with trust, attachments and insecurities and the worst I've been through is bullying! I used to emotionally isolate myself from pretty much every other human being...even family, I thought everyone in this world was rotten... but somewhere along the line I hit a turning point where I started reaching out and thankfully got positive reactions. BUT that was only after some years after this point when I developed a few close friendships. And that was with stuff that is way, way, way, less severe then yours (if you grew up in hell then I grew up mildly discomforted by athletes foot) so it's understandable that it may take you a long time to develop trusts in people and be able to make healthy attachments, and that it would be more difficult. Just be very patient with yourself (I know you are trying, and I know from experience patience with yourself is very hard...I'm still trying to learn it myself).
You know...it sounds really weird, but isolation can be a good thing. from the sounds of some of your posts some of the friends you made earlier in life weren't really friends...so if they move on in their life that means you can move on and make new and better friends!  ...it's way easier said then done but once it is done it has some wonderful benefits for everyone involved
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