Dove, I feel a lot like you. My story is very similar. Sometimes I think I am addicted to rejection. If there was a woman who was real and honestly interested in me I would either run from her or sabatoge the relationship, usually subconsciously. I spent so much time looking for love with the wrong women. Ones who were only going to hurt and reject me in the end. I still find myself with that problem today, but I'm not giving up. Don't you either. You are so young. I hope you have a therapist to help you to heal your pain. Hang in there.