I have had just a few partners and I am ashamed because the few that I have had were all losers. I didn't love any of them they were all just convienent lays. I was mad at my dad the night I lost my virginity and it was my way of getting back at him because I knew he would lose his cool if he ever found out and boy was I ever right.

The last guy I was with ended up sexually assaulting me and I have emotional scars from that and now have a hard time trusting men because of what he did to me. I even think I see him and I have a panic attack. I was released from the psych ward early because there was a patient that was admitted that reminded me too much of him and it was causing me to backslide way too much so me and my doctor decided it was best for me to leave.

I wish I could go back and take back the first time because the guy I am in love with now has never been with anyone and I would have liked to been his first.

Jan