I awoke feeling like growth had taken place, in this feeling-spot I felt I'll call destroyed by life innocently....some encourage me to see lessons in the ways I was fired.......I guess I should not have been 'me..' guess 'me' is in some way blatantly terrible from the reactions I got..

I am weary of society, people....is it the ugly traits my family possess..or employers possess.....I guess ugly traits serve a purpose, took me awhile to learn the concept of 'boundaries..' before used to let anyone and everyone IN to my heart and soul...now I have become the mean one, as a way to keep my head above water, a shot at re-gaining my life, perhaps even a little dignity...still don't know how to take it when I am GRILLED about what _I did to lose those jobs...don't know the purpose of down and out GRILLING into people it just hurts...hurts bad..

Yes I am the one holding the key to my story, a key which does not quite fit, I shake as I use it,

I look out at the sky now, as you did, holder of the dove...is it the same sky as my childhood sky, where did it all go so wrong, where did my life turn from those carefree days as the facebook folks knew of me...they gasped when they heard the eruption of an illness with such force as to alienate a life turning empty...then to seem to have a hint of promise..with such promise comes asking....does sensitivity even attachment does younger days ever have to end and what is the purpose of adulthood....of maturity...if one must stand alone from their very family...stand in perplexity...

This time there is an answer, and it is to acknowledge there IS evil out there, there IS ignorance of an illness so real I do not understand why it is doubted, there is unjust actions, unjust words muttered with the intent of a wounding..

I can take my story and say out loud I am viciously MAD! Even though I have never raised my voice but once in this life, perhaps now is the time....to acknowledge anger and all that comes with it and that is hurt underneath it, coupled in one..

My story is still being written with the help of everyone here..it may never be published..it may never help others as I so wish it could be used that way...but it beats within me, is part of by blood, more than even blood relatives are..

I have collapse at this point but I am outreached a hand by psychcentral, by what goodness is left deep in the hearts of fellow man, good is harder to find than evil, for me, and I would hope it is more prevalent than ugliness of character, greed etc time will tell..

I look to the clock above me and it no longer is a sign of moments marching by like the enemy, moments are less tediously empty for I have grown..I have become more in touch with reality..

There is a lesson. And that is, I am Junerain. She will write her life as only Junerain can, be who only Junerain can be. Regrets come as I shared in the most feared? question of the month..Junerain fears living without fullness of character..Junerain will live, again as only Junerain can live, within the bounds of reality..if the bounds can catch up with her........