Thanks for all the advice. Well my SIL said that I needed a plan whether I stay or leave. The sad thing is he does make me happy as far as being supportive, helping me deal with my anxiety (which he has never made me feel bad about), and taking care of the kids or housework. He has a temper and lies which I guess kind of negate the good stuff. I'm taking my driving test today and registered for classes, which is a huge step for me and I haven't stopped feeling sick since I decided that I could do it! I think if I become less codependent on him to drive me around and support me and see that I can accomplish things on my own it will give me more power when and if I need it. I did talk to him yesterday about a therapist and he agreed to go with me starting next week, which is a big step for him. Either way, I have to get my life back in order and focus on myself and my children.

As far as trying to control him, you are absolutely right. I can't stand the person I have become. I used to be very trusting and now I just feel like I was used. I was the one who told him I was fine hanging out with the girl he cheated on me with because I trusted that they were just friends and because I have mostly guy friends I didn't see a problem and I trusted him to go visit back home after we were married and that he wouldn't see his ex. After that I just became, not only controlling and paranoid but insecure. I thought he wanted someone better or "hotter" than me. I even think that sometimes he takes jabs at me about the way I look or tells me about cute girls that hit on him to make me feel worse about myself.