(((((((((((((SambaKicks)))))))))))))))

I understand and respect your decision not to take medication. Please know that so many of us have suggested them not as a form of pressure or because we feel it's a "quick fix" rather than helping you sort out your emotional problems. The reason we suggest meds is simply because so many of us here are on them or have taken them in the past, and they are what has worked for us. No one thinks you are "a crazy" -- from what you've been telling us, we are recognizing that you are severely depressed, and many of us (myself included) recognize ourselves in a lot of what you've been saying. No, what worked for us will not necessarily work for you, but we can only offer guidance based on our own personal experiences. Meds are by no means a quick fix -- they take a long time to have any effect all, sometimes they can have mild or even severe side effects, and because everyone is different, it can take a lot of trial and error to find the correct medication and dosages tailored specifically to each person. Medication is actually NOT an appropriate treatment for depression in many cases all on its own -- for a very large number of people depression is most effectively treated through a COMBINATION of medication, therapy, and lifestyle changes (eating healthier, exercise, getting out of an abusive/unhealthy environment, etc). Every time I see my doctor she asks whether or not I'm still in therapy, and she has been stressing the importance of my therapy IN ADDITION to my medications. The meds don't cure my depression, they simply make it manageable enough to face my own personal issues in therapy without completely falling apart, and give me the clear-headedness to start working through my problems by keeping the lies depression tells me at bay. The depression is not gone completely because I'm taking meds, it's really just stealing away the illness's megaphone for shouting its lies, so that they only come at me in whispers now, and whispers are easier to ignore than shouts.

Meds are scary. Clinics are scary. Doctors and therapy are scary. I know. Please understand that I'm not trying to pressure you into taking any one route for treatment and I don't think anyone here at PC is either. We just want you to know that, in our cases, we have had successes with those particular routes, and simply wish to give you a little hope that you can, too. I sincerely hope that you find the appropriate treatment for YOU, because I can see how the depression is eating at you, and it pains me to know that you're suffering as much as you are. Hold onto hope, and if you can't do that right now, know that I'm holding onto it for you.