Quote:
Originally Posted by Pomegranate
My brother who sexually abused me as a young girl called me last night to wish me a Happy Birthday (TODAY is my birthday.) I didn't answer that phone and he left a short message. He didn't even know what day my BD is, he thought he was late in phoning.
He very rarely has remembered my birthday through the years. I most often do not hear from him.
As I've posted previously, his daughter is getting married this summer and it has stirred up a lot of uncomfortable feelings in me.   I do not plan on attending the wedding.
I have most often been slowly separating myself from my family of origin over many years now. After listening to his message last night I just felt like, Enough! His family is obvious in their dislike for me - for what reasons I don't know, as far as my niece & nephews go, because they don't know about the sexual abuse.
I'm very much feeling like I need to write my brother and just say let's stop the pretense and any contact. 
Should I do this? If so what should I say? Go into detail or keep it short and sweet?  |
Hello Pomegranate ... I confronted my brother face-to-face. I'll never forget waiting for him to arrive at my home, as he had no clue what i was going to say. I spoke and that was personally strengthening, but dealing with his denial and anger was hard. I don't want him in my life life and am relieved, but i came face-to-face with him again when my mother was in the hospital and he wouldn't even look at me, much less be civil and say hello for our mother's sake. I'm only telling you this because if you choose to confront him, in person or by letter, ask yourself if you are prepared and strong enough and have good support to deal with the possible consequences. Personally, I think is is empowering to confront if a person is ready and it is safe. I have 6 brothers, some abused me and others, I suspect, just know something. I haver always felt very conflicted about them. Ending all contact has being very freeing for me. On the other hand, I tried to disconnect with my mother, who also abused me, and couldn't take the guilt. Now I have to deal with a relationship that is based on a lie and I hate that, too. Again, my advice, if that's what you're asking from us, is to think hard about how your choice will affect you and if you can live with the possibility of hostility. Trust yourself to know what is best for you ... that wisdom is inside you.