Hi,
wow, I read your post and feel very sad for you . I'm going to say what first came to my mind after reading it...I too am in a very bad situation and for the first time in my life I'm starting to think long and hard about what LOVE truly is..having said that...We only have ONE LIFE TO LIVE and you have to look at the whole picture ..I love my b/f dearly but do I want to spend the rest of my life trying to fix things all the time? I'm no expert but I do know that a relationship should be a partnership...you need to ask yourself if the differences you two have worth the fight? I think you are right to keep the kids at a distance until you are ready to make a decision because bringing them into a rocky situation isn't fair to them...now if you really love this woman and she is willing to go all the way it's time for a nice long chat and make sure you BOTH know what you expect from eachother.(especially ,giving up going to the bar) I don't party at all but if I did, I would give it up in a heartbeat if it meant saving my relationship....I know how hard it is to waste life trying to make something work and it just isn't going anywhere.I know you probably know this but going into a relationship with so many problems is a very very hard thing to do.....I'm here for you if you ever need to talk....Sometimes love just isn't enough & I'm finding this out as each day passes...I wish you the best and hope things work out for you...take care