I'd like to comment on shame and guilt, and the distinction between them. They are closely related. The difference is that guilt means to feel bad about something that you do, while shame is to feel bad about somethign about who you are.

Guilt is productive if you have actually done something that you need to change. It can have a function to motivate you to make amends and change your actions.

Shame is more likely to freeze you in your tracks and keep you trapped in those uncomfortable feelings. Believing that there is something about your nature that is bad, wrong, inadequate, or immoral can lead to discouragement and giving up, even when there really is nothing wrong with you, or at least nothing on the scale that you feel it is. It's hard for me to figure out the function of shame. Do you have any ideas? Maybe to communicate to yourself that you feel hurt?

In the chat, it was asked if it is wrong to do some of these things, like apologizing and trying to make amends, if you really didn't do anything wrong. I don't think it's wrong to try to repair the relationship and get on better grounds where both you and the other person understand each other better and get your needs met. I do think that it needs to be balanced. If they are at fault and not willilng to address their part in it, and you keep apologizing and feeling shamed or guilty, then you stay stuck in a cycle that keeps hurting you and keeps you feeling that way. Interpersonal Effectiveness skills would be appropriate for getting out of a cycle like that.

This handout also goes through the model of emotions for love, joy, anger, sadness, and fear. I'm not going to type all of that right now, but might do specific emotions as they come up either in the chat, or if anyone has an interest in a particular one.