Elysium, your post is very thoughtful (the full of thought one!) and intriguing (it shows the development of your mind).

I am so sorry that you had to suffer so! I volunteer in the school a lot and bullying is one of my interests. The children who get bullied are the vulnerable ones and they are vulnerable because of their home environment (this seems to fit for you too). I am so sorry that some people have no clue how to parent!

There are kind people out there, though. What I found out through my journey to mental health is that when we are mistreated we then feel bad about ourselves and this low self-worth causes us to avoid healthy people. This happens because healthy people look right at you and this can be uncomfortable when you don't feel too good about yourself. Dysfunctional people don't "see" you. I had to learn how to feel comfortable and function around healthy people because being around healthy people is very important.

You were a child when all of this happened to you and children are helpless and their thinking skills are not totally developed yet. You are an adult now and seem like a pretty smart one too! You are more than capable of protecting yourself now. You just have to learn a few skills. This is what I had to do.

Of course continuing to work with your therapist will get you there too!