I've even had paranoid nightmare of being trapped under him and being crushed to death. I know this is totally silly, but paranoid thinking is not rationale thinking. I know some would suggest positional adjustments but... it doesn't seem to help... again as the energy elevates...its like my body absorbs it and I just get really hyper... shaky, the mental loop plays full blast. All I want to do is get away.

This isn't silly at all! I have a bit of claustrophobia (my dad has it too) so I know the feeling of panic with all thought leaving!

I think for safe-touch to feel safe to me it needs to be non-sexual and the objective of the touch is not for him to get off on. It is for me to be able to lower my guard and risk focusing IN on the sensation instead of distracting or moving my focus away from the touch. I think at this point for me to try and focus IN, I would need to be totally confident that it would not lead to sex or that it would be done not to try and arouse me. I'm not sure these conditions could be met by H.

Now I can understand why you can't do that exercise right now. So you can't start a dialogue with your husband on this and explain to him what you need from him?

Thanks Sannah for helping me think through and do the problem-solving piece that I seem needing. Your questions have been very helpful.

You are so welcome Chaotic!