I had my appoinment and I feel really bad about how it went. I feel like my T is frustrated with me. I had a difficult time feeling like I could trust. I guess it was because we skipped a week and going in I was nervous and felt disconnected. I so wanted to walk in feeling safe instead I closed up and felt angry that my T brought up things that I know I should talk about but I just can't get them out. I am sick and tired of talkng about all the people in my life that I can't trust who have betrayed me in some way. I feel like all I do is complain when I go to t. My T said the abuse word and I just wanted to get the h... out of there. I hate to admit that some of my family and others in my life verbally/emotionally abused me as a child and as an adult. My t also talked about feeling abandoned and alone growing up. Can they read our minds!
There is such a sense of peace and happiness that surrounds my T and I so want that, but I don't know how to find it. I guess that is why I am in t. Do you ever resent the fact that your own T seems to have it all together?
I feel like I owe my T an apology for not being a good client, sometimes I wonder if I am starting to put that wall up to protect myself from beiing hurt by my T. I am hoping next week I will be a better