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Apr 22, 2009, 09:05 PM
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I had my appoinment and I feel really bad about how it went. I feel like my T is frustrated with me. I had a difficult time feeling like I could trust. I guess it was because we skipped a week and going in I was nervous and felt disconnected. I so wanted to walk in feeling safe instead I closed up and felt angry that my T brought up things that I know I should talk about but I just can't get them out.
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(((((Del))))))) -- I've seen my T for almost 4 years now -- he just came back from vacation. I also didn't feel connected with him when he came back. It's so very frustrating and painful! Be patient with your self, Del. You are feeling all of this AND still going to T to work it through. Take your time -- do this at your own pace. It DOES get better and is worth every moment of pain just to feel at peace, however fleeting.
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I am sick and tired of talkng about all the people in my life that I can't trust who have betrayed me in some way. I feel like all I do is complain when I go to t. My T said the abuse word and I just wanted to get the h... out of there. I hate to admit that some of my family and others in my life verbally/emotionally abused me as a child and as an adult. My t also talked about feeling abandoned and alone growing up. Can they read our minds!
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I hear you and understand. I wish I could take all of your pain away! T's can't read minds, although they are pretty accurate at guessing sometimes.
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There is such a sense of peace and happiness that surrounds my T and I so want that, but I don't know how to find it. I guess that is why I am in t. Do you ever resent the fact that your own T seems to have it all together?
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I had a session today that hit on this topic. Your T may "have it all together," but it may be that he had to work through his own issues to get there. Or, he may just be one of the fortunate ones to escape trauma. It's so difficult to want to be "normal" but to have to go through all of these emotions and @#@ to get there.
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I feel like I owe my T an apology for not being a good client, sometimes I wonder if I am starting to put that wall up to protect myself from beiing hurt by my T. I am hoping next week I will be a better
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It's not your job to be a "good client", Del. Therapy is where you can and should be who you are, warts and all! That is the only way that you can work through all of this. I also did the push/pull thing with T a lot but didn't realize it. I knew I was pulling but didn't know I was pushing because I didn't trust him. It sounds like you are doing exactly what you need to do, going to therapy. You should be proud of yourself=) I am impressed with your tenacity!! Let us know how you are doing, we all care
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