I am in deserate need for some adivce here I do not know what I am dealing with and hope someone may be familiar with these signs and help me identify what I am dealing with.
I have been dating a man online for 9 months, he in the begining was the man of my dreams. Since the begining of our relationship we talked about meeting in real life. I planned a trip half way around the world to meet him. Two days before I was to leave he admited he was on probation after serving 9 months in prison for a crime he claimed he did not commit against his exwife. He did not want me to come until probation was over. I rescheduled my trip. Our relationship on line has been tormutulous, the day we partnered online two women claimed to have been in relationships with him. Since then there have been a couple more but his stance is it is a game and he is not responsible for the way women interrpret. I do have some trust issues in the online arena due to being hurt previously in this environment. When I question or accuse him he gets very upset and angry, to the extreem saying he was imprisoned for false accusations so it really gets to him (I can understand this btw, but I did not know about this in the begining, by the time I knew I had already questioned).
I ended up going to meet him in real life in January for two weeks, it was wonderful, he was caring, loving, kind, gentle. We saw the sights, shopped, cuddled endlessly, watched movies, took care of each other, made love twice a day minimum. He held my had everywhere, I never opened a door, he was a perfect gentelman.
He does not work, he is in the online game where we met fulltime. He says is waiting for all the divorce related property to be dispursed (long story here, but it is true as I in person went to the property while there). He has said he can not even walk to the store without feeling so angry about all of it, he needs to game to focus and not have to address his real life issues (this is what I am wondering, what are his real life issues). He does not feel remorse if he does something that hurts me. He rarely says he is sorry for things he does. He will often blame me for things that others instigate (for my reaction to them, saying it is a game only). He has always claimed to love me real life and everything else is just a game. He has had at least one depressive episode in the past when he was ready to end his life. He can get extreemly angry, sometimes over the stupidest things. Everyone thinks he is wonderful as they never see this side of him, only me. He often tries to manipulate or control me to some extent.
About a month ago I shared some of his tyrant chat with a friend of mine who said, this man is a sociopath. It stuck in the back of my mind and in the last few days I have been researching this and other mental illnesses/defects which has led me here.
He seems to fit around 7 of the defects to be a sociopath but that is just things I know for fact.
I do not know that he is a liar, he has actually been pretty honest with me as much as I can tell, outside of two or three times he said he was doing something other then what he was, other then that he seems honest.
He does not feel good about his life, this morning replying to me when I said he did not need to control me "last thing i need is control over another i have enough of a job guiding keeping control over my useless life".
He has left me in the online arena to be with another woman who does not anger him but claims all along that we are still together real life. This hurts me so much but he seems to not care, his immediate needs come first and says he needs to be happy online so he can deal with his real life issues.
For some time I have suspected his real life issues are more then just waiting/fighting for the property from the divorce.
What I do not know is what he is suffering from. I do not know for sure that he is a sociopath, depressive, borderline, I have no idea. I know this is long but at the same time probably not enough for anyone to give an actual opinion, but best I can do here. I am happy to answer any specific questions about his behavior.
The reason I am seeking help is we are pursuing his coming here to live with me. I need to know what I am dealing with first and while I am working on getting this from him he may never really admit it.
Does anyone have an suggestions, advice, ideas, questions I can ask him that would help me determine what his problems are without pissing him off and never finding out anything?
In real life he seems very capable of love, in the confines of the internet he seems non caring and mean. Help please!!!