For years, I have been told that I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD), receieved a number of diagnoses for it, spent countless hours reading and talking to other people about it but then this evening I found myself sitting there at the computer gazing at a description of it on some web page and these words jumped out me and stuck in my mind...

"persistant worrying"

Ok, I'm not sitting around actively/consciously "worrying" about anything (although I do worry at times!). Also, I read that sufferers may fret over what to serve at a dinner party, what to wear, etc and these things (at least to me) are trivial and not something I would stay up all night worrying about. Now having some horrible disease, THAT might worry me!.

So because I'm not worrying about which toothpaste to use or wether my bright orange shirt will match my brown and yellow plaid pants, does that mean I don't really suffer from GAD?.

I know what a panic attack feels like and I know this constant buzzing, vibrating, nervous, anxious, foggy-head, buggy-eyed feeling I usually have is not a panic attack.

I guess I'm just confused about GAD in general.

Incidentally, I did see my doctor again and she told me that I had GAD and gave me a prescription for Vistaril which has really helped with my insomnia. Thinking back, while I have had problems sleeping for time to time, I've never had insomnia this bad and I've come to the conclusion that either I have some horrible brain disease, I'm going through benzo withdrawal or the Cipro took caused this (they are well known for that sort of thing). I mean, I'm having VIOLENT nightmares EVERY night. I few days ago, I dreamt that I was being chased by a gang member in a rough part of town, then I had three nightmares in a row and woke up kicking and screaming the other night and last night I had a dream that I got in an argument with my room mate and got so mad that I threw a glass of iced tea in his face (Thank God I was only dreaming!). I mean, honestly, I know everyone is saying "yes, it's probably the benzos" but can withdrawl last this long (a week?). I also counted my pills and had taken the Oxazepam for 37 days (not 30 days as I had thought) and this in addition to all theXanax and Ativan.

Anyway...

- Grey Goose ( a very confused and exhausted little goose!)