Hi jen

I am yong and don`t have much experience in life, and don`t have the anxiety to the level of havng physical attackes, but i can tell you from my experience i have (and keep having) in college.

I too want to heal and be able to work - and i agree the healing is THROUGH the pain - there are no painkillers for us mentally speaking.

I....well since i am about to graduate my situaiton is different form yours - i am gonna leave there soon

You said you don`t know what causes the anxiety - i wonder what heppened if you DID?
I know what causes it and this is why (i think) i don`t get sick or pass out)
If you know the reason you see through it and it is no longer a mystery
I know it does take a lot of courage but this is the only option the REAL way out - all other ways- medication etc - you know - they are just to reduce the symphtoms they are not a solussion.....

So you mentiond doctores - do you have a therapist? a psychologist to talk to? Can`t they help you figre it out? the reaoson?

What was there 7 years ago? what is it now? is it all the drama going there?

As far as i understand - we get the emotion because there are situations that are significant to us! they have a meaning for us - that may not be for all otheres....and this meaning or significanse - whatever you call it - this is why we react to situations with panic or so - but the whole point of therapy is it DISCOVER that significance which lies in our subconcious.

One of the methods that i am reading about now is "active imagination" when you sort of hypnotize yourself and then a fantasy gets to you. It can be a fairy tale story or anything like that - that sybolizes to you the entrence into the world of fantasy, images and subconcious....and there you get the heros you meet just in your head and they an tell you things... i will give you my example:

I have a characnter in my head had her long ago a story i made up in my teens and i the fantzsy tehrapy she appeared and told me not to think of school when i don`t really have to. I sometimes feel i am either lazy or doing not enough or don`t give a **** about college work because i never manage to do things as i plan. like i am not responsible - and feel bad for that. but after that fanztsy practice and i did in in the buss - i notice that in a hour or so i foud myself thinking about college and work at least 5 times (i noticed it because i tried to stop)

So there are ways to get into the sbconcious to get to know reasons which are like the kye for freedom i think

i can understand that you want to work like any normal human being. and i think that the fact you have anxiety donen`t make you not a normal human being. Find our what causes the anxiety if it s possible

Maybe you need a different job?