You describe very well the way I have felt when I have been in deep depression. I hope you are getting help for yourself. I don't know what else to say except to hang on, it will pass. It has for me, time after time after time after time. Each time I learn how to better cope, gain more skills, find more insight to help me "hang on until it passes" the next time. Keep posting here, let us know how you are doing. I care.