splitimage,
How are you today?

Jme, but it took several attempts for me to get clean and sober.
Each time I went back to drinking/using, though, a little part of me died...
Any self-esteem I had built up began fading again
Self hatred starting growing 'cause I was "watering" it
Tremendous shame battered my heart
I would accept, in a vague sort of way, the encouragements of those trying to help me
So;
I would relapse again...
payoff? probably the attention and my excuses were valid in my mind.
Being confronted royally POd me

In no way am I implying this is true of you. It is jme

Hit My Bottom? I hate those words...it was an accepted way of saying I had screwed up and was paying the price and
TS if I was moaning and groaning
Again, jme

The other side of that was the total surprise to me that some folks had not given up on me.
However, they were very blunt in asking what kind of flowers I wanted at my funeral.
Everything collapsed; my denial, my toughness, Not My Desire to stop as I wanted to sip and be all right...

Jail and being seriously ill then detox was my wake up call.

Choices, choices

Cap