I have been having episodes of aphasia for a couple of months and my pdoc ordered a MRI scan of my brain. I never thought much about it because I have had CAT scans and had no trouble. But the MRI was very tight and I couldn't handle it because of my claustrophobia. The tech told me to go to Women and Childrens hospital because they have an open MRI.

So I emailed my pdoc and told him that I was unable to complete the MRI because I am extremely claustrophobic since I was assaulted as a twelve year old child and the people assaulting me placed a plastica bag over my head to keep me quiet. Here is where I screwed up. I said that because of what happened to me I have lots of anger still and the people who assaulted me are on my hit list. Dumb, dumb, dumb. It is true that I wish those people much pain and have had fantasies of killing one man but I don't even know where these people are now. I always fantasized that if I was told I had only six months to live I would search for the one I hate most but I don't know what I would do if I found him. I mean my exhusband was abusive and I had fantasies of killing him but I never did anything.

My pdoc returned my email and chastised me for not knowing my claustraphobia would be a problem and said I wasted the hospital's time and money.

I emailed him to let him know when I had finished the open MRI and asked what to do next. He had mentioned a sleep deprivation EEG when I first told him of the aphasia but he no longer responds to my emails.

I wish I could explain that I was only trying to emphasize that I have lots of anger still because of the assault and the fantasies are just that, fantasies. But I wonder if I should just shut up already.

I wish I could explain in person but I have no appt scheduled and am afraid he may drop me as a patient because of this.

What should I do that can help and won't make the situation worse?