Hi everyone,
It's really early here, I can't sleep like I used to be able to. I have been filled with panic and anxiety for over 2 months now. I don't know what triggered it. It was like a light switch was flipped and can't figure out why this is happening again. About 7 years ago or so I was so filled with panic and anxiety that I couldn't work or go to school. I lived in a group home and paced almost constantly. Now I can't sit still long enough to give my feet and toes a rest from moving so much.
I have been at my present job for almost 4 years in July. My dad took me aside last night and told me that he wouldn't be upset if I were to quit my job. This came as a surprise to me. I thought maybe he would want to have me work and work through the anxiety and fear that comes along with going to work. I start worrying the second I finish a shift and get ready for the next day. I don't have a moment without anxiety. I have been thinking for a while about quitting, but feel like a failure if I were to quit. I don't know what I would do without a job, or what I would do with my time. I think that it would ease my mind a little about working, but know that eventually I would have to return to work.
I was also thinking maybe I need a change in jobs. I work at a local fast food restaurant and it gets pretty chaotic there. There is a lot of drama, and customer complaints about different things. The usual ya know? I used to really enjoy my job. I used to get called in early and would be glad to get the extra hours. But now am afraid to even go in. I get so anxious that I can't stand still. I have many panic attacks throughout my 5 hour shift. I know it's not that long of a shift, but it is too long for me. I have a doctor order to not work over 5 hours a day 4 days a week. I thought this would be better than my 7-8 hours a day 4 days a week. I don't know what I would do without a job. I know there are things that need to be accomplished here at home.
I currently live with my dad and step-mom for financial reasons. I am on disability, so I would have money for rent and some necessities like medication. I would really love the time off, but am afraid there will be no fun if there is no money coming in. I don't like to go out anyway, but if I were to ever want to I am afraid that I won't be able to due to lack of funds.
I am wondering if anyone has had this similar situation and what you would do. Does anyone have any insight as to what I am not thinking about or what I should be thinking about?
Anyway, just wanted some of your input. Thanks for listening--have a good day.
Thanks,
Jen