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LizzyB · Apr 24, 2009, 11:31 AM

I don't really have any advice or suggestions to offer, but just want to check in to see how you are feeling. I care, and it doesn't matter if you vent or get discouraged, it's ok to express it. Your frustration seems obvious, and I don't mind it.

But of course it's good if you realize you are talking to a community here who has been through a lot. I'm 55 years old and had my first major depressive episode when I was 13, and have been battling mental illness all my life. Most people on this site have also had their battles, frustrations and triumphs. Some of us are probably not that different from you. But as a community, we care about each other, and that includes caring about you.

As for me, I've had many, many very painful struggles throughout the years, belive me. Am I glad I stuck it out? There were many times I was close to suicide, including two real attempts where my life was saved by accidental discovery of me before it was too late. So am I glad I stuck it out? YES!! YES AGAIN!!!!! I am incredibly glad I stuck it out. I would not trade the years I gained by not dying when I tried to. Some of those years have been hard. But I'm glad I was around to live them, even so.

I also have had MANY, MANY frustrations with therapy, therapists, and the theraputic community. I'll bet I've seen more therapists than most, and been harmed by some. But I did eventually find a very good one. Am I "cured"? No, but she was helpful. I have also had people at certain times of my life who have been wonderfully supportive. Some others have been horrible. Some of the best most helpful people are people I only met in the past ten years. Had I been dead, I would never have had the chance to meet them, and it would have been a loss for both them and me.

This is just a riff on some of my own personal experience. If it helps, good. If it doesn't, that's fine. I would love to be able to say something helpful, of course, because it hurts to witness someone else in such pain. I think many of us here at PsychCentral feel that way, because we are no strangers to pain ourselves. We are sympathetic and empathetic.

Guess that even though I have many down times, I still generally feel grateful to be around, and I feel like more or less of a "success story" I have found out some ways to cope, some things that can help me feel OK/good, and some people who can sometimes really help. I sometimes find pleasure and joy in things. When that happens, it's amazing.

On a completely different topic, I was wondering if your icon has anything to do with soccer? The shoes pictured could be skater shoes or soccer shoes...or just shoes. But I follow soccer, so I just wondered.

By the way, I want to let you know that there's a lot of mental illness in my family. My brother is schizophrenic and my two biological children have depression, anxiety, and ADD. There's also alcoholism. So I've dealt with the therapy community and with medication issues for a long time, now.

I do understand some of the frustration you express. Is it possible to have any faith that you might find something better at some point?

Anyhow, please know that I am thinking of you and I feel like reaching out to you and giving you a hug. Please take care and know that there are really truly those of us that care and have at least some small understanding of some of the things you say.

We are your friends, if you are willing to let us be.