So, I addressed my past SA with my T for the first time, and he asked me all sorts of questions....so he could get an understanding of what I went through and what I felt....

....I don't know how honest I was...and there were things I remembered that I didn't say.....

On the one hand, I feel like withholding information is not fruitful for either of us because how is he going to help me otherwise? But the topic is so....intimate...and embarrassing....

My T is a male, and although I don't think I'd have it any other way, I am more uncomfortable sharing those details with him.

I don't know how to handle this.....

Also, I am still very triggered by the therapy session I had yesterday...to the point where I've had to medicate to calm myself...which has never happened to me AFTER a therapy session. I am on edge and can't seem to kick these feelings.

I find myself listening to T's voicemails over and over and over....trying to gain a sense of calmness from hearing his voice. Is this weird? I know it sounds obsessive...

The worst part though is that I went through some traumatic times with my husband and his ex....and I saved all of her voicemails....and listened to them over and over and over again.....like it was an addiction. I wasn't obsessed with her. I was traumatized by the negative experience and for some weird reason, I had to endure hearing her voice....I don't understand why.....

Ugh. Probably something else I should address in therapy....(Strange fact though - my husband's ex and I get along very well now...but at that particular time, not so)....