Is he on medication? And is he willing to go to therapy with you or alone? Are you seeing a therapist? Don't try to make it through this on your own.
I hope you are both willing to get help for this. Has he always had these mood swings and called you names like this? Has he gone through something traumatic recently that would cause issues like the premarital sex thing to come up? Being in the military can be really difficult especially when dealing with mental health issues. I know my husband feared going to therapy because of it going on his record. One thing that can help ease these fears is to talk to your T about setting up an appointment for you, but bringing him with you (off record). Also you can get counceling from on base chaplains and I believe that will not go on the record.
My family is across the country too. My husband is Air Force. Feel free to PM me.