First of all I want to thank all good people out there who is patient enough to go through the problem I am facing.I am not sure what type of disorder I am suffering from but this problem is almost killing me I am very very very very depressed. I feel it is worthless to live this type of life. I literally have no friends in my life and I have made several attempts to make friends but I never succeeded. Till the age of 10 I was fine but the trouble started after that. I have changed school and in my class no one seemed to like me. I can confidently say that I am nice person and I never did any unpardonable mistake to be ignored like that . I have to go to school alone and come back alone. My parents always used to scold me to study well and get good grades. Even though I had high ambitions about my studies I am able to partly achieve my goals. I could have achieved more if I had real friends who can love me for what I am. My parents never cared about what I am going through as a teenager and blamed me that I am responsible for not having any friends. They never thought why I am not able to make any friends. One good character I have is I never give up very easily. So since my teenage I have been trying to make true friends like every other average Joe but all my attempts miserably failed. I feel I have been cursed to have no friends. I have to tell about my father here. I can say that he is a coward. There was a guy who in my class who took advantage of my loneliness and started harassing me. I told my father about that guy but he never did anything to stop that guy from harrassing me. I just went to classes like that for more than an year for the sake of achieving my goals. From that day I lost trust on my parents and I never believe that they are there for me. Because of this lonliness I have a very low self-esteem and I don't have belief on me.
I tried to analyze my situation on why I am not able to make any friends. I found that I am very innocent not sure how to behave with a person depending on their character.I behave very nicely with everyone irrespective of their age group. I don't know how to interact with people of my age group. I try to be very polite and nice. The sad part about me is that I can't access the character of a person and behave accordingly. So people treat me like a straw and people of my age group don't find any enjoyment in my company. So no one is interested in making me as his/her friend. I tried real hard to improve my situation by analyzing people's character but failed. I feel that it should come as we grow and it can't be taught in school. Due to my fate I lack that basic quality to lead this life. I have stopped interacting with people because I have deep fear inside me that I will definitely fail. As the days pass I am loosing interest on this life. I have seen a therapist in person but said I am a normal person without any problems.
As a last resort I am writing my problem in this forum hoping to get some help. Pleaseeeeeeeeee help me out!!!