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(JD) · Apr 24, 2009, 11:15 PM

Oh (((hangingon))) you just can NOT continue to live in the "what if" grey areas of this situation. I'm so, so sorry your mom went this way, but it is over...she is physically gone.

I'm in the process of losing my mom. Yes, she is 89 but was quite healthy until 2 years ago. The doctor said she needed mitral valve surgery, but wanted to do a wait and see. Well, in December she needed heart valve, but the same doctor refused to do it because her mitral valve was too weak. She had gone downhill since... and she suffers terrible dementia on cortizone, which they keep "forgetting" there is a DC for her on. Then they say she can't make her own decisions, so I and one of my sisters have to make them for her.

There have been many crossroads where maybe if something else was done, some other decision were made.. we'd have a different result. ( Yes, my mom contracted C Diff while in the hospital. Hopefully because of that someone learned better, or was fired and has realized they don't belong in the medical field. But maybe not. It's done with.)

BUT we, I, cannot live like that. I have a strong faith in God and believe that regardless of what anyone did or didn't do, if it's God's will, it will or won't happen.

We all do the best we can do at the time. During such stress are we our best ever? Not even close. To second guess -anything- only gives us heartache. Your mom, and I know my mom, wouldn't want this. I have to believe that my best, the doctor's best, the nurse's best at the time is the best that could be.

I hope you will be able to move to remembering the love and joy you had with your mom, and to celebrate her life. I hope you will be able to help me remember to do that, once my mom is gone too.