In mediation today, the mediator suggested post-divorce counseling. I'd be willing to give it a try, but my ex said it would be pointless. He didn't even like it when I was seeing a counselor on my own after my SA.

I said I wanted assurance that he wouldn't pull something mean and nasty after the meeting to mess with me emotionally, and I wanted him to say it in front of a witness. He said "Of course not. I would nnnnnnnnever do anything to hurt you emotionally. You've ALWAYS been emotionally safe with me". That's completely untrue.

The man doesn't see himself in any way abusive.

He sees me as completely unwilling to see things his way, so of course he thinks counseling will be pointless. He wants me to bend to his will whether it's in my own best interest or not. And he doesn't want to be told that maybe he needs to do some changing of his own.

My perception is that he doesn't see a relationship as a two-way street where each person has to compromise. The other person just needs to go along with everything he says and does and life will be wonderful. Even the mediator said something like "well if you don't let her have a say regarding the kids, of course she's going to be pissed."

I can't continue to live that way another 6 years until both of our kids are likely to be out of the house, but trying to negotiate with this guy is like beating my head against a wall. I've been trying to remain calm, but today it just fell apart. Especially when he implied I'm not fit to have my kids 50% of the time because my house is messy and I don't have an active social life and a large circle of friends.

When the mediator asked if we talk, I said yes, once or twice a week. Tony said our conversations have become fewer and fewer and they only center around his social life now. Total ********! I've deliberately changed my phone conversation stance and make sure we only discuss issues directly related to the children. If any social life discussing is being done, he's the one bringing it up. And when we do the switch of the kid's clothes every week, it takes less than 5 minutes and very few words are exchanged if any.

I'm just flabbergasted that he can lie so easily.