(((((((((((( muffy )))))))))))))))))
I feel your pain hon.....unfortunately, there is a huge range of emotions that you will go through with son and his decision. Completely understandable. I guess the only thing that might help is the old cliche, time heals. At the very least, time will help with the magnitude and depth of those feelings and hopefully sooner rather than later, acceptance will work it's way in.
Take care of YOU my friend!

sabby