Wow...what a difficult situation you seem to be in. Since you asked, I will give you my honest opinion. Here goes.

First of all I applaud you for thinking so much of your children you don't want to put them in a situation that could harm or cause havok with their upbringing. Too many people don't do that. Secondly, she is still married after 4 years and isn't even considering divorce. That says something. I know she may want his insurance...but if she divorced...wouldn't she get part of "thier" lives together. That should allow her the money to pay for her own insurance. You cannot be engaged to a person who is already married.

If her children have had those types of problems at such an early age it could stem from access and freedom they had been given. Chances are if she knows she shouldn't be in a bar...there are reasons for that. You cannot blame the alcohol for her decisions she makes. She is sober when she makes the decision to go to the bar in the first place. If you don't have trust, there is nothing.

You seem to be going out of your way in many ways to accomodate her. That is great, but it also needs to be a two way street. When there is one person who is continually doing all the work, it is eventually gonna break.

Sometimes people are just different. See things different, want different things, have different values. When there are too many of these differences, especially when it is on very important areas, there is not much hope for the relationship to make it in the long haul.

You have to ask yourself why these things don't bother you. Do you really love her, or the person she seemed to be? If you feel she or her kids aren't good enough to include with yours, that says something about how you really feel.

I think getting back to your faith is a great idea. Hopefully that will give you some clarity and make you feel a little more at peace.

I hope this helps and best of luck to you. Remember there are certain convictions we have that when we seem to be swaying so far off that...it's a clear message.