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Today, I am having a very strong desire to contact my father. He has physically and emotionally abused me as a child, and played a role in some SA. He continues to be abusive in his conniving, I love you, and I never did anything wrong ways when I contact him to this day.
I haven't spoken with him in a few months. We don't talk on the phone...we just email each other, but I am supposed to be staying away from him because he's not good for me...
It's like a compulsion...
I feel like I need to know what he's up to, where he's at, what he's doing, and then when I know all this, I will feel safe from him again for a while. If I don't contact him, I will not feel safe. I need to know what he is up too and know he is not coming for me.
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