So, my husband has been out of the house for about a month now, and he is trying so hard to find his way back into my life. Of course, it hasn't been all roses and genuine effort....like breaking into the house at 2 AM and hiding under a blanket....lashing out at me verbally....being emotionally abusive....saying mean things like he's been using me for sex for 15 years.....Great way to get back into my life, huh?

Our 14th wedding anniversary was the other day, and he made some kind of excuse to find a way to see me....and I let it happen....We talked. I cried. The gist of it all was that I was telling him I was done with our relationship and he needs to find a way to deal with that. He is not accepting it.....

And then, he asked, since it was our anniversary, if I would give him oral sex!! Oral sex was always a big part of our sex life....

Everyone around me - including my T - is telling me that he is mentally unstable....and that he is dangerous.....

And here I am - overwhelmed with everything going on - financially, at work with my boss who is creating a hostile work environment for me and building a case to get me fired, the SA issues, taking care of the house on my own, taking care of our daughter on my own....

And I see my lawn....it is in desperate need of getting cut...and I just want to cry.

Then, I thought to myself - HEY, how about I tell my husband that I'll give him oral sex if he cuts the lawn for me....even trade!

I KNOW it's a bad idea....The LAST thing I want is to have him in my life like that....especially with the SA that he has put me through...and the fact that he is mentally unstable and I can't give him that hope that things will work out with us....

But yet, the thought did come to my mind....WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH ME?????????