Thanks everyone.

Sannah, I don't know how long. I suspect it is reactionary and comes and goes. I do have really good sessions and I have no desire to quit or anything. At this time my son is visiting. We haven't seen each other in 3 years, when I had him police escorted out (the 2nd police call) after hours of verbal abuse and threats. We have talked on the phone and he has grown/matured some. I think we both had idealized the reunion and it hasn't been what either of us expected. I carry so much guilt for many things. I was not the mother I wanted to be or that he deserved. I still can't be that person. We've had horrible arguements during his visit. The first 2 nights I slept with my cell phone, afraid.

I've seen T 3 times during the visit and I think part of this is about my thinking she didn't seem concerned when I said I was afraid he might harm me, and she has a tendency sometimes to try to "normalize" by saying something along the line of "everyone experiences that" and it just completely makes me feel like I am being dismissed. I really don't give a hoot if everyone experiences what I'm struggling with. And yes I've told her that. I've also told her that her empathy feels canned and insincere. I feel like I'm too critical and that I've offended/hurt her and she's going to get sick of it and...

I told her not too long ago that I felt like she was talking over my head often. Maybe she's gone too far the other direction.

I do not go with a certain topic to discuss. Sometimes I do have something I want to talk about, sometimes many things. Often addional thoughts about something we've talked about or a different interpretation of a dream. Sometimes just work issues as I am doing something I've never done before. Where it goes, it goes and that's fine with me.

I chose and love this kind of therapy. I love my T.

I also suspect that my visitor is disrupting my routine (routine is important for me) and is taking from my 'thinking' time, time I like to reflect or read or write.

ugh. I am just disconnected all over the place.

I listened to her voice mail message again. It is a long and thorough message and she does say we can talk about it on Monday and she also said she will be thinking about the session and what she did that made it difficult. She heard me, she replied letting me know she heard all that I said, she acknowledged that I sounded very distraught and disconnected. She is really there for me. It's just something to get through and I do "Trust the process." and I trust her. I think it will be okay, yet I feel very depressed too.

to everyone