It's not an "awful thing to admit" berries.
IT's more of a cry for help, if you ask me. And it's the first step in getting that help. I mean, you're here on a help site, yes? So, clearly you are asking for help. And we are here for you.

I am personally glad that you can be honest here. If you can be honest here, you can be honest with your doctor or therapist. Are you seeing a therapist? If not, I hope you will consider it. When I was at my lowest, therapy and meds really helped me considerably.

I'm also very glad that you say you're "not sure" you want to be careful. That little bit of doubt shows that there is still hope. Where there is life, there is always hope.

Things *can* get better. I'm living proof of this reality. If you had known me 9 years ago, during the height of my son's heroin addiction; my ex husband's gambling addiction; my divorce etc... you would have known a very different person. I was broken. I wanted to die. My life was falling apart in every way.

But, I reached out to my family physician. He got me in touch with professional mental health experts. There were rocky times, Berries. I had my ups and downs. I was told to go on permanent disability, and I did not agree with that at all. I had to fight for my life! (where there is life, there is hope! ) And I did fight; and I did succeed!

You can too. Be honest and open with your doctor. Let the counselor know everything. ANd please, *stop* self medicating! It is dangerous!

You are a precious child of the universe,
and as such, you are worthy of everything that is good in this world.
Don't throw it away for a bad period of time in your life.
This, too, shall pass.
If you do the next right thing,
day after day.

Continue to let us know how you're doing.
We care.

Peace!