Well sorry it has taken me some time to get back to this thread. I have been doing ok And i did make that meeting as well as many more since . I didnt get rid of the meds right away , but on monday of last week i did finally dispose of them , that was hard to do! Since then i have been going to meetings every night and i still hanging in there , but sometimes just by a thread. After going to meetings i found that i actually misspoke in my original post .. the last date that i used was dec 3 rd , so my clean date is actually the 4th. Right at the moment i am struggling with missing that final hoorah i guess , for lack of better word. When i stopped using this time it was kind of uneventful . I went to T one day high as a kite . My T asked me if i was and i lied to her for the first time , and said no . She made some comment about there being no need to do therapy high or something , but i assured her that i was not (lied) . Anyway it really ate at me that afternoon that i had lied to her and i decided that that wasnt where i wanted to be , so i just didnt use. The following week i told her the truth and let her know since that meeting i had been clean. I have been clean since that day. You know its easy to forget the bad times when they are gone .. Like forgetting the pain of childbirth i guess lol. I havent talked in any meetings yet (well read the things at the begining of the meeting, but not shared) . Last night we had a celebration meeting for a lady with 12 yrs clean. She made a beach ball with lots of stuff on it and they threw it around the room for everyone to read what was facing them on the ball and share about that ... i got Make the call... And well i did talk a little about making that first call ugh . Anyway thanks for being here and listening . I am hanging in there just for today . I dont have a sponsor yet but thinking about asking one lady in the next few weeks .