I am so sorry you are having such a hard time. Your last post sounds just like me. I walk into my T and everything is fine even though prior to my appoinment I am stressing over my past amd who I am now and trying to get the courage up to trust and be honest with my T.
I too wish that I could just say okay my childhood was crappy now lets get on with life and to say look where I am now (my successes) I could be in a worse place. I too waited 1/2 my life to get help and have told my T that things and feelings that are now surfacing have been stuffed forever. It is hard to accept and be okay with some of my feelings and thoughts about the past. I try to remember what my T has said and many of the members here have said "don't be so hard on yourself", it is okay to feel what you feel and your thoughts are yours and that is okay. We are here to support you and to get through this. So here we are to support you and help you get through this as best as we can.