my ptsd stuff started playing up last week (this happens whenever i get anxious, even due to unrelated stuff). but then over the weekend something happened which triggered it directly, and now i'm stuck in the loop.

being triggered itself isn't too bad right now, but i'm feeling really down. and i'm panicking that this might set me on the downward slope again back into depression. it was only last week that pdoc and i had a mini-celebration about me *finally* getting out of that black hole (after 6 months in it). so -- i can't go there again.

pdoc has told me repeatedly to call him if something happens that might upset my balance, even if it's not an emergency/crisis. i want to call pdoc. but i'm not sure what i need from him right now.

i don't want to open up about the situation until i'm in session with him on friday and talking face-to-face. partly because i don't feel safe talking about it outside of his room, and partly because i still feel the need to monitor his reaction.

but still, i'm slipping, and i'm panicking, and i need something right now to stave off that descent. maybe just hearing his voice, or having some minor contact, would help. but i don't know how to ask for that, without letting on that he's become somewhat of a security blanket for me (!).

so, i just don't know. any ideas? my call will go directly through to voicemail, and i want to set the boundary of not talking about 'it' over the phone. so i kind of feel that i need to say what i need/want instead. i'm stuck.