Suninthecity, MUE, del, searching, chaotic, and phoenix,

Thank you all for your support.

MUE, I'm afraid to tell my T; I know that sounds stupid, but I'm afraid to really let her know how I feel. I don't know if its because I will finally have to admit that I don't think things were the greatest growing up, when my whole life I was living a lie pretending it was, total denial. I still don't really want to face it, all of the emotions that come with it. I feel them starting to surface and its becoming so overwhelming. Yet, I can't seem to just let them come out. I feel like all of it would be too much and make me lose control.

Del,
Thats it, I don't have the courage to tell my T and she's been nice. I believe I trust her, but maybe I don't because if I did, wouldn't I just come out and tell her? I have also been sucessful, people don't have a clue about how I feel. I'm trying to let her know things but it's really hard when I have kept these things buried for years.
I hope for your sake and mine that we can get the courage to really open up to our T. Maybe deep down I'm afraid I am going to lose her if I let her know how I really feel.

Searching,
I don't know how you do it. I really feel for you. I would feel completely abandoned. I am really glad that you are taking care of yourself in finding someone else to work with after being hurt so by your T. I really hope this new one is wonderful for you.
I am so afraid of facing all the lonliness as well. I feel like I have been in my own little world my whole life. I have friends but I have been so surface level with my past friends, I am really trying to work on that because its really difficult for me to open up to people. Leaving things in session seem impossible. In fact it doesn't hit me most the time till I leave the session.

Phoenix,
My T said something similar, that the lonliness and not wanting to be here at times shows the level of my pain. Yet, I still can't talk to her about it, all I said was sometimes I just don't want to be here.
Someone else suggested something similar. I am going to try working on that to see if I can scratch the surface of what's really bothering me.

Thank you all again for your advice and support. I so need it.....